Nurturing is a wonderful gift. I am sorry that it took me almost all of my children’s lives with me for me to figure out how to be nurturing enough for them. I will not say that I was a bad mother, just not a wonderful one. I did my best with what I had, but did not have enough understanding to be better.
Sadly, I was pregnant with my first child 10 days after getting married. I did not get to take the time to work on my relationship with my husband before hormones kicked in and life became difficult. The day that our child was born was the day I realized that my husband did not love me. It was a shocking revelation and one I should have heeded. But, I stayed with him another 13 years in hopes that I could soften his heart, take down his walls. We had trials and difficulties that should not have happened if I was staying in tune with my heart.
For the rest of my life, I have been working on the relationships with my children to let them know that they are special in my heart. That the difficulties in our lives were not theirs, but my own, that there is such a thing as a good relationship.
My children had a difficult time with my dating and even getting married, but I was trying to give them what they needed. Now that they are no longer so strongly needing me, I am finding that I have the perfect relationship for me. They see this and they encourage it. They appreciate having someone who is interested in their mother and is willing to take an interest in their own lives. Sometimes it takes me a few years to figure things out.
I am hoping that I can give a short-cut to others in understanding what is right for them. To help each of us heal within our hearts on a faster level than years. If I can help even 1 person change their concepts and lives for the better, I have succeeded in writing my messages.