Social Development

People who are extremely shy or anti-social find it more difficult to find their perfect mate. I find that I may be a little on the other side of that spectrum. Some may find me a little too strong, maybe a little too aggressive (not forceful, but more on the straight-forward side). What we should be is a friend. Begin with that. We need to avoid kissing too early in any relationship. Yes, that means that we probably should not be kissing on the first date (but it is hard to do).

What we can do is

1. Stick to our standards. Never compromise for immediate gratification. We need to resist temptation and we need to help our companion to also resist. There is a reason for long courtships and short engagements!

2. We need to increase our circle of friends. This gives us more opportunity to meet people more like who we would like to be with. I dated a guy who became a friend and then he met another one of my friends and now they are getting to know each other on a more personal basis. They would never have met if I did not know them both (no, I am not patting myself on the back, just excited to see good things happen).

3. Look at ourselves in the mirror. Is there something that we need to change? I actually do this on a daily basis and see what I can do to be a better person. I find that I am always changing and hoping that each change in myself is a better one than even the day before. President Spencer W. Kimball said “You might take a personal inventory of your habits, your speech, your appearance, your weight, if it is heavier than most people appreciate, and your [Annoying habits], if you have them. Take each item and analyze it… Then go to work. Classify them, weigh them, corral them, and eliminate one at a time until you are a very normal person… It is not likely that anyone will propose to you out of a sense of duty. You must do something about it.”

4. Become involved in life. Find new interests, new hobbies, be creative in studying your scriptures, become closer to Heavenly Father.

Um… No one told me not to learn about Poi Dancing. I was curious and decided to do it. I find it is a lot of fun and is interesting to many around me. I have taught some people how to do it and find that it is a great ice breaker. I even found a boyfriend who later became my husband because of it. He found me practicing before an outdoor movie was going to start (the shadows were great for showing me the patterns that I needed to see to make the flow better), he asked if he could try. After spending time doing it, the movie was about to begin, so he asked if he could sit next to me. It was the beginning of a great relationship which is still going on.

Lastly, 5. Learn to be sensitive to other people. Listen to what they have to say and what they are not saying. Sometimes we are offended and do not say anything. Sometimes we offend and we are not told why and what to do instead. These things hurt. If you were to marry someone you cared about, would you say or do anything to hurt them? I find that if I am doing my best and am listening to the Holy Ghost, I am more sensitive to the person I am with. I am where I need to be and am saying the things that need to be said.

There are times that I am not perfect and will step on my husband’s feelings. I can see it and feel it immediately. I give him time to work out what he wants to say and then we talk about what I did. This gives us time to put things into perspective. When I find out what I did wrong, I then do my best to never do it again. I will not say that it will never happen again, but that I will promise to try.

May we be willing to make changes within ourselves no matter how young or old.

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