Communication and kindness have an important role in any relationship.
This is not only for the Husband and Wife relationship, but will work in all forms-work, children, parents, siblings, etc.
I found that this is a big reason that my first marriage did not work. We forgot to really communicate. I do not even remember when he kissed me with the feelings of love behind the kiss. We only talked with each other to just get the day taken care of. Planning where the kids were to be, what responsibilities we had to take care of in church, house responsibilities, etc. I found that all I did was do my best to keep the world looking normal for the kids. I was so focused on working on this, that I avoided him when he was talking bad about me to anyone who would listen. I felt hurt, but I would not say anything in my defense because I believed that my problems were to stay in the home and not to be aired out on a weekly basis. When I did talk to anyone, I was trying to figure out how to fix things in my life and wanted a second opinion to give me options that I was not seeing.
The thing that I did wrong was that I did not talk to him about what he was doing. I did not confide in him anymore because I felt he would tell people-again. Communication broke down. I became his mother and told him what to do instead of being his wife. When this happened, there was no such thing as kindness. I became sharp. He was a sick man(which happened during our life together), and I lost patience with him after doing everything that I could to help him fix the problem-which was unfixable.
This is the example of when we lose sight of communicating with love and being kind to each other.
I can say that my next marriage had a lot more communication. It just was not spiritually-based. We did not have the 3-way communication we should have had. We did not include Heavenly Father in our lives like I wanted and we should have done.
What was wrong with both of these examples? We did not communicate with kind and tender hearts. Anger and Pride have a way of jumping in when we are not looking. President David O. McKay said, “I’m going to tell you the most important secret of human life. The most critical need of the human soul is to be kind.”
We need to be quick to forgive and let go. I have many friends who are currently having to learn this part.
It is hard, but to forgive without being asked is the greatest gift a person can do for their loved one. It heals and improves a relationship when we use the gifts that we have been taught,such as; kindness, compassion, truth and forgiveness.
We need to have common interests so that we have something to talk about. Yes, sometimes it is good to have someone who is your complete opposite in your life. They encourage you to grow and to learn new things. But, it is someone that we have things in common with that become our best friends.
What are common interests? Hobbies, sports, music, church, family, politics, even types of dating would be a common interest. When I went to dances, I try to ask odd questions to throw off the guy that I was talking with. In doing so, they found that they begin to talk with me for much longer than the end of the song.
My goal was to learn about the person I am with instead of just thinking that he was cute or what he may be thinking of me. I try to take the time to actually have a real conversation. In doing so, I found that I have been creating a large circle of friends that endure even to today.
My marriage is a great example of this! Communication was a hard part of my husband’s life before we were married. In his vows to me, he promised to make an effort to communicate with me even when it was hard. I do my best to listen and not shut him out. Instead of pointing fingers when a difficulty happens, we keep each other’s hearts as a primary focus. We work hard to make this happen.
This does not happen overnight and it has to be worked on continually. But, with our making effort for each other, it has really created a wonderful relationship!