This is an interesting concept, but very true. Take the time to become friends before getting married. Get to know each other, laugh together, work out problems together.
If the only thing that is making the relationship happen is the excitement of what will happen in the bedroom, what will happen when the activity decreases? What will we have to talk about with each other? Will we care? Will we go out and have interests that are the same? Will he be focused on sports and I will be focused on hobbies? What about agreeing on what color to paint our home? Can we agree on that? Will we be able to agree on where we want to go on vacation? Will he want to go skiing and I want to go to a beach? Will we be able to compromise?
President Spencer W. Kimball said, “While one is young and well and strong and beautiful or handsome and attractive, he or she can (for the moment) almost name the price and write the ticket; but the time comes when these temporary things have had their day; when wrinkles come and aching joints; when hair is thin and bodies bulge; when nerves are frayed and tempers are taut; when wealth is dissipated…”
There comes a time when those who flattered us and those who’s wit and charm deceived us may leave us to our fate. Those are times when we want friends, good friends, and common friends, loved ones, tied with immortal bonds-people who will nurse our illnesses, tolerate our eccentricities, and love us with pure, undefiled affection.
Then we need an unspoiled companion who will not count our wrinkles, remember our stupidities nor remember our weaknesses; then is when we need a loving companion with whom we have suffered and wept and prayed and worshipped; one with whom we have suffered sorrow and disappointments, one who loves us for what we are or intend to be rather than what we appear to be in our gilded shell.”
Right now, our world is focused on physical attraction. If we look good, our companion will love us. This may be why there are so many programs and ways to keep us looking young. We can have our bodies cut to look smaller, we can replace hair in the right places, remove hair from the wrong places, and we can dye our hair, remove wrinkles and plump ourselves in places that may begin to droop.
I am not saying that we should not be physically attractive; I believe that we should do that for ourselves and not for someone else. It is acceptable to be physically attracted and attractive to our companion, but remember, there is so much more than that to make a marriage last. When we are looking for a companion, looking inside the heart is just as important as looking at the appearance of that person.
Yes, I admit, I know what it is that I am attracted to. I even have another friend who told me what he is attracted to-he is drawn to the “Miss America” types because that is what was typical in his family. No, I am not one of those, but we find that we still can be friends, we laugh together, and we dance together. We share hopes with each other because we are friends. We encourage each other and I am finding that our friendship has lasted longer than a couple of his relationships. No, we know we are not to be together and we are fine with that.
It is good to have a friend. I have a female friend who has watched me through my last 2 marriages. She has stood by me through both of them and we still take time out to talk and to support each other. Now, I found a guy who will be my friend and be my companion and want to be with me for eternity… Oh yes, is that not what we are trying to do? Finding our eternal friends and companions?
We have been married to each other now for 2.5 years and it still feels like we are eternal companions. We have taken the time to become friends before we married. He has supported me through the tough times as well as being there for the good. We have goals from daily to eternal. We never look for the negative about each other and we try to encourage each other in our desires.
My hope is that when we are dating, we take the time to become friends before we step into a deeper relationship.