My response to incorrect concepts

SEVEN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MORMONISM AND CHRISTIANITY

1. Mormon scripture teaches that all the various Christian denominations, particularly the Presbyterians, Baptists, and Methodists, are all considered by Jesus Christ to be “wrong.”

2. Mormon scripture, prophets and apostles teach that there is more than one god who created this world, that there are many gods who rule over other worlds, and that worthy Mormons may one day become gods themselves. Even though Mormons claim there is only one God for them, they still believe that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are separate gods who are only one in their purpose rather than in a personal being that they share eternally.

3. Mormon scripture, prophets and apostles teach that God the Father is an exalted man with flesh and bones.

4. Mormon prophets and apostles teach that God the Father has at least one wife by which we were all literally born from as spirit children prior to coming to this earth. Some of these prophets and apostles have even taught that Jesus had wives and children.

5. Mormon prophets and apostles teach that God the Father had a Father whom He followed as Jesus had followed Him. This follows from the preceding points.

6. Mormon prophets and apostles teach that there are many things that Jesus did not create. For example, He did not create our spirits, nor did He create Lucifer, nor did He even create the planet that He was born on as a spirit. The reason for this is because Mormons believe that Jesus and Lucifer are literally brothers, and we as humans are all the younger brothers and sisters of them. We were all born of heavenly parents, who did the creating work of their world (not all worlds whatsoever) before we arrived spiritually in heaven.

7. Mormon prophets and apostles teach that we should not pray directly to Jesus. Rather, they can only pray directly to the Father in the name of Jesus.

 

My response to this: The title is incorrect. Mormons are Christians. Check out the title on the church buildings “The church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.

1. We are not taught that all other denominations are wrong, but that they were correct at their beginnings as much as they could be, but that through the years, many of the things that were correct became incorrect by dictations of the congregations or their leaders. I knew someone back in the 80’s by the name of Rex who mapped out the differences between all religions and he had done his research personally and had each of the leaders review his data before he published it.

2. We do not believe that the Holy Ghost is a god. We believe that Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are one in purpose-which is to teach us (Heavenly Father’s children) how to become like him. They are separate beings-not in one body. If this is so, why was Jesus talking to the Father while on the cross. Was he talking to himself or to another being? When he was baptized, in Matthew chapter 3 verses 16 and 17 it quotes: 16 And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him: 17 And lo a voice from heaven, saying, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”

This shows that there are 3 beings and not just one because if there was only one, who spoke?

3. Is it hard to imagine that we were created in the image of our father? In Genesis chapter 1 verses 26 and 27, it quotes: 26 ¶And God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

What is the image? A mirror or something more substantial such as a body of flesh and bone? It is comforting that when I die, I will be able to reach out and touch Heavenly Father and be able to hug him and not some puff of air.

4. Is it so difficult to think that Heavenly Father has a wife? That she is so sacred to him that he protects her and her name so that it does not become a swear word such as we have treated his and his son’s names in this world? If it is common sense that it takes a male and a female to create a baby, would there be an example somewhere that was determined before we were put on this earth? Yes, it is possible that Jesus had a wife and maybe even children. We do not discuss this because it is not important to our personal growth. There are other religions that consider this possibility or there would not have been a book created called “The DaVinci Code” which discusses this and other religions’ beliefs. I have read it and found it fascinating, but if Jesus had children, what would we do about it? Let them live their lives as he would have wanted them to do or worship them because they have his blood? I am sure that he would not have wanted us to do the latter for that would defeat the purpose of them being here.

5. It is possible that Heavenly Father had a father. It would make sense as well. But, why not? Why believe there is only one possibility? We are told that all will unfold and we will understand after the second coming of Jesus. So why dwell on this?

6. Is it so hard to believe that we were all brothers and sisters and that we are children of Heavenly Father and that some of us chose to not follow the plan of salvation as much as others? That as family, this would mean that Jesus and Lucifer are related? Personally, I have sometimes wondered what Lucifer may look like. The answer that fits the most would be that he looks like us. Not with horns and a tail, not with a pointed face, but like someone who may live next door. The difference between these 2 people that are mentioned are the fact that they personally choose to follow different pathways. Which pathway do we want to be on?

7. In our bible dictionary, this is what we are taught about prayer: As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings. Jesus teaches us at the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew chapter 6 verses 6-13: 6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. 8 Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him. 9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. 10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

If Jesus is telling us to pray to the Father, why should we do anything else? Please note that I used the quotes from the King James Version of the Bible only. This is easily found and easily referenced.

I truly believe that we are here to learn to love ourselves unconditionally and to love others unconditionally as well. That if we do so, we would do our best to not hurt those we love and if we teach others to do this as well, that it would make this a better world. To me, the “Mormon” church teaches how to do this with all of their “rules” and I am glad that I have a goal to reach throughout my life, that I am not alone and that there is a way to do this.

Judge not

Ok, since the world is focusing on judging everyone for every little thing recently, I find this quite a lot frustrating!

I learned a long time ago not to judge anyone. I have a very colorful background and so I have learned to see the judgements of others and let them roll off my back like water falling off of Teflon.

I was married for the 4th time 2 1/2 years ago.

The first one decided to take a different path than the one I was on. He decided that we did not deserve to live and that we were bad parents, so we needed to all die. He even was on the phone calling around for a gun in the presence of our children while I was at church choir practice. After packing all of his things and then telling him to decide to be a part of our family or get out, he left.

The second one was all about eating, sleeping and bedroom experiences. He did not even talk with my children when in the same building with them.

The third used me to get a green card and was gone 2 days after receiving it. He was dating online and when asked why, he said that he was looking for another wife for when our marriage failed. Everything was all about him. He repeated the same kind of life with his next wife and when she contacted me, I guided her to what I understood. She and I are actually good friends now.

My fourth is the best! We work hard to make this marriage work. We do almost everything together. We always consider each other’s feelings and always do what we can to keep each other’s happiness in the forefront. I have been a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints all of my life. He has been a member for the last almost 3 years. Not because I pushed him, but he decided it for himself. I made sure of that! We have goals that we make together. No, we do not have all of the same tastes,  but that is what makes our lives interesting.

In our branch, we are truly diversified. It depends on the mood of the week it is as to if we have more whites or colors in our congregation. The only one that we have one of is a Hawaiian and we only remember because instead of saying “Good Morning”, she says, “Aloha” to us.

Now, here is something to think about: My husband is African American. Black. I am White. We have no issues concerning color. But, it is interesting to see reactions in the world we are currently living in. We live in the Northern part of St Louis. It is very interesting because very few white people live in this particular neighborhood. I go shopping in stores where I am definitely a minority. I have been pulled over 5 times since moving here over a year ago because the police want to know what a white woman is doing with a black man in our neighborhood. The last time I was pulled over, they actually admitted that they did not care about minor infractions, but were looking for bigger ones and then proceeded to ask me if I had ever been arrested. Of course not! But they felt the need to ask…

My daughter is a drill sergeant for the Army. She married a guy that is about 7 years younger than I am. He is older than my husband who is 10 years younger than me. Yes, it is a little bit different than normal, but you know what? This works for all of us. We are all happy in our relationships.

My middle child is gay. He believes in the gospel, but because of opinions of other not-enlightened family members, they chased him away instead of loving him for being him. The church states that it is ok to have the feelings, just do not act upon them. I have the paperwork to prove it but these family members are only thinking of one side of the sin-the act. So, I give my son the unconditional love that he needs and he brings light to those around him.

My youngest son went the way of drugs and the lifestyle that surrounded it for a while. He is pulling himself out of the messes he created and is doing a wonderful job with what he has. I wish that I could help him more, but he just wants someone to hear him, nothing else. I hear him.

Now, with just that much in my background, do you think that I judge? I find I cannot because it hurts those I make those types of decisions about as well as myself.

I learned to love unconditionally. To do my best to open my heart to all around me. Ok, so I may still have a lot to work on, but I find I now have friends from almost all walks of life. I accept them for who they are, not what they may have challenging them.

My life is not perfect. I am not perfect-yet. But is that not what we are all trying to become? If not, what are we doing instead? Is it healthy for us and those around us? What can we do to change? Do we need help to achieve it? Who can we turn to?

That last question is why I am LDS. It fits me. I use the lessons I learn to become a better person. To help others to become better as well-if they want to. It gives me a pathway that in my heart feels right.

I am here for a reason

I believe that I am on this earth for a reason. I have had a very remarkable experience when I was much younger that tells me this.

When I was a young girl, I was with my family visiting my grandparent’s dairy farm in the middle of the summer. My grandfather had electric fences to keep the cows from crossing the fields until he was ready to let them. He had the electricity running through them a little high and did not think that it would harm anyone.

My brothers were playing with cousins out in one of the fields and I wanted to join them. I could see them through the fence playing on one of the large rock piles that were created in the field so that the grass would grow. This place was known as a “Rock Farm” because there were so many of them. The kids were playing on the rocks playing games and I, as a small girl, wanted to join them. So, I did what most kids would have done and proceeded to widen the fence wires so that I could crawl between them and then be in the other field. I did not realize that this section was the electrified fence until it was too late. It would not have been a bad thing, but there was a puddle of water that I was standing in because grandfather had flooded the field recently. The electricity immediately jumped from the fence to my hands, running down my body and into the water which was sending the electricity back up and back into the fence.

I was screaming because as I pulled one hand off of the fence, the other was pulled onto it. I could not break the connection. My hands were switching back and forth, but I could not let go!

My grandparents had a small house that was in the field that they rented out to students that were going to the university nearby. There was a student there at that time.

He heard me screaming and began to run at me. I saw him coming. He pushed me down from the other side of the fence and he broke my connection.

After looking back and thinking of what he did, he saved my life with no thought of his own. He should have pushed me with a stick so that he would not have been shocked himself, but it was with his bare hands that I was pushed and I remember that it was as if he tackled me through the fence as if we were playing tackle football.

One of my uncles was on horseback and was on his way to get me because he heard my screams. He pulled me up onto the horse and took me back to the farmhouse where I was promptly put into a bathtub to remove the mud from my body. It took a couple of bathings to get it all off because it was so thick.

My grandfather was shook up because of this incident and immediately brought the electric fence charges down and I know that he had never forgiven himself for what happened. I have never blamed him for this. I loved my grandfather and have always used him as a wonderful example in my life.

From that time on, I have always heard electricity when it is on around me. I am ultra-sensitive to static and do my best to keep grounded.

I know that I am blessed. That I have much to do on this earth and that I was saved from the electrocution with only a small side-effect.

I love my Heavenly Father and am glad he has given me many opportunities to grow and to become a better person.

Abuse

I have been abused, what do I do?

There are many different types of abuse. Mental, physical, spiritual are the 3 main categories.

Sometimes the person being abused is too young to be able to say anything and because they trusted the person they were with, did not realize what the abuse was.

At other times, the person feels helpless. They do not know what to do. They may love the abuser, they may feel violated and do not understand what to do when this happens.

Heavenly Father has never approved of any violation of any of his children in the past, in the present, or in the future.

As a matter of fact, until I realized these words were really true, I allowed abuse in my life: “I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and I am to be treated that way.” At one time, I wrote these words on a board by the front door and changed who was either a daughter or a son for my children so that they understood that they were special people as well. This is very powerful and is very encouraging.

After realizing that I was being abused, I began to go back to the scriptures and praying to Heavenly Father to help me realize the extent of the abuse. I had no clue how bad it was until I was out of the situation. I had pictures that were taken of me during the abuse time of my life and then much later, I had other pictures of other events taken of me. I found that I had become an old woman. That I was a middle-aged, overweight, dumpy, did not care about life, woman. I had lost all personality and did only what needed to make it through the day. I took care of my family, but had no joy.

I found someone who would help me find who I was to be. She was a great counselor and also guided me to become one as well. She guided me almost daily because she also knew that I was a daughter of God and was willing to help me find my way to true happiness within myself. I do admit, I tried to go to my bishop for help, but at that time, he was not able to understand what my need was. This experience was totally alien to him and he had a difficult time supporting me. I realized this, was not angry with him, but did go find help where I really needed it.

Each day after realizing that I was abused, I began to see how it affected me. I began to realize that each thing that was told to me, each thing that was done to me, was false. I began to stand up for the very little things and change them. Then each of the bigger issues I began to stand up for. This progressed until I was able to stand up for myself again. The important part of this experience, was to blame no one, not the abuser, not the bishop, not my family, not my friends(or who I thought were my friends),not even myself. For when I blame, it creates more negative feelings and does not allow any healing to happen.

I realized at this time that I had a right to live. I had a right to be. I was an important person and should be treated as such. I can give love, I can receive it, but I had the choice to do so.

I also found that when I forgave my abuser, whether it mattered to them or not, it did to me. I also found that if I forgave someone, I did not need to allow them to continue the abuse. I had to stand up to them. I had to accept my feelings about them. I knew in my heart that I loved them, but that I had to let them go. They did not have the right to hurt me. This was a part that I had to learn on my own. No one had ever taught me this.

I had empowered myself! I look at the pictures that were taken later and I find that I look much younger, much happier, much more at peace! No one believes that I have teenage children. They really did believe that I am my children’s older sister. I act young, I feel young and I look young. This is just a side effect on my letting go. The main part of this is that I have loved and I have begun to love myself once again.

I know that with the support of the scriptures, the comfort of prayer, the knowledge that Heavenly Father really does love me and that I am not alone are all important keys to healing that which was taken from me.

I found that I have strength. That only I allow others to affect my feelings. I can love and it has taught me what true unconditional love really is.

Follow the councils of our leaders, they really do love us and wish the best for us. The hard part was, was that I was not receptive to their councils until much later. I did not even realize that they were really in tune with what may really be going on inside of my soul. I did not hear them. Try to listen to them. They do know us.

Fears

Fears, what are they? How do we know them for what they are? How do we make them go away?
These are very interesting questions. I have spent a number of years learning about this particular
subject. And I feel it is time to share what I have learned.
When children are born, they have no fear. They are full of trust and love. So, how did this change? Well,
Fear is taught to children by the people that they trust the most. They are taught that there are consequences to their actions. This introduces them to fear. When they cry, they may be spanked, therefore, they are taught not to cry so that they are not spanked. Simple concepts such as these are taken with them throughout their lives and will be applied to each choice that they make. Sometimes, fear comes from someone else such as their parent, and they do not understand why they are afraid of the particular situation. They are just taught that they are to be afraid of certain situations.
Fear of animals, fear of the dark, fear of people, fear of places. These all have something in common.
They have been taught to us. So, how do we realize the fear in the first place?  We listen to our hearts. We identify the fact that we are uncomfortable in a particular situation and then ask why? Why am I uncomfortable? Why am I afraid? Is there a deeper reason to my fear? After we ask these questions, we are to keep digging until the true feeling comes out. It is usually a simple reason. Look at it. Know it for the untruth that it really is, then let it go. Fill the hole that you just created with something positive that will stand in it’s place. Normally, it is something that has to do with loving yourself.
This is very hard especially at first, but give it some time. Do it over and over, and each situation will become easier to deal with. Know that you are not alone. That Heavenly Father and the Savior are there
right beside you while you are working on this. This is the comfort that is necessary to your healing.  As you let go of each fear, you will find that you will be happier, you will have more energy to do the things that you want through the day, that your relationships with those around you become better and deeper.
There are many scriptures that are all about this feeling. Many of them are used to “Fear the Lord thy
God”, but these are not the ones that I am referring to. Instead, I am referring to the ones that state:
“Fear not”. For this is what we need to do. Fear not.  In Genesis 15:1, it states: Fear not, abram: I am thy
shield, and thy exceeding great reward. This means that if we let go of our fears, let Heavenly Father
and the Savior take over, they will be our shield from the bad things that are in our lives and there will be a great reward if we trust.  Is not peace a great reward? How about Genesis 26:24? Fear not, for I am with thee, and will bless thee… So, if we have no fear, then we have Heavenly Father, the Savior and the Holy Ghost at our sides. Is this not a wonderful blessing to have?  Deuteronomy 1:21 “As the Lord God of thy fathers hath said unto thee; fear not, neither be discouraged.” I do believe that this is very true. When we are fearful, we are discouraged from attaining our goals. When was the last time that you said, “I can’t”? Is this not the best way to keep from doing what we have promised that we would do? Does this not encourage our feelings of discouragement?
There are many examples of these scriptures available. They are there to help strengthen us. They are to
encourage us, to help us. I promise that if you do these things, which are to find your fear, address it,
let it go and then fill it with something positive, you will have more strength, more happiness and more
ability to do the things that you really desire to do.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Financial Management in a relationship

Statistics state that many marriages are destroyed because of lack of communication and bad decisions concerning money.
It has been my advice to my daughter that when she married, to make sure that she had an account for her, he had an account for him and then they had a joint account to take care of all household expenses. This way, she had spending money that she did not need to account for down to the penny and he did as well. Because they have heeded my advice, they were able to afford a house, they were able to go out and they were able to purchase items for each other without having to account for everything to each other.
Now, I am sure that many like the idea but there are many who do not. Let me address the ones that do not.
In my first marriage, I was expected to earn money-but not more than my husband. All of this money then went into the expenses for the family care. The sad part was, if I wanted to purchase his Christmas present, he knew how much it was. He would give me a certain amount to spend at the grocery store and then I had to stay within the tight budget to feed all of us($40 for the week for a family of 5 was normal). When I received a paycheck, I signed it and then never saw it again. I had no idea how much the bills were. We did not discuss them because he felt that he was the man of the house and he should take care of all of it.
When we separated and prepared for the divorce, I had no credit because my name was not on most of the bills. I had no budget, so did not know what our expenses would be. According to Elder Marvin J. Ashton, “How important are money management and finances in marriage and family affairs? May I respond, ‘Tremendously.'”
How could I pay tithing when I did not know how much it was?
How could I invest for my future when I had no idea what my present was?
How could I balance my checkbook when I had no idea what was out there?
How could we make a decision about how to improve our lives without knowing what our options were?
Now, I work in finance. I allow myself to play a little bit. I know how much is coming in and how much goes out. I actually get to touch my check before it is gone. I am able to pay my tithing and know that I earned it. I am empowered and you know what? I like it!
So, does this mean that I am in charge in my new relationship? No! We have already agreed that there will be a family joint account that will be contributed by both of us. We will share the bills and if one is not able to keep up their end, we will work it out. But I told him that my wish is that I purchased items for him because I wanted to, not because I had to. He understood and highly agreed!
May we all be willing to talk about things such as finance without feeling cautious with each other is my wish.

Mary

Learn to resolve differences

Elder Spencer J. Condie wrote: “the great plan of happiness provides countless opportunities for learning to resolve differences, to love, to tolerate and to forgive, and, in the process, to become more like our Heavenly Father and His Son. Opposition in all things, including marriage, does not have to include dissension and continual conflict, but rather the peaceable resolution of differences.”
When a couple has a difference of opinion, they need to talk it out. They need to see each other’s view. If this is not the case. If the couple cannot agree, then they need to realize it before they marry. It is easier to break up a relationship when there is no paper between the couple.
I am not encouraging breaking up. I am encouraging each of us to take the time to learn about each other. To grow in ways other than what is behind the bedroom doors.
Find the differences and find ways to work around them or in other words, learn to compromise.
Please remember to pray together after the incident so that you have a chance to thank each other for opening each other’s minds to more than what you knew before.
If you do this, many disagreements which lead to destruction of relationships would be avoided.

Have a wonderful week!

Mary

“Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion

President Spencer W Kimball stated: “Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate, with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”

Elder Dallin H Oaks stated:”I have heard of cases where a young man told a young woman she should marry him because he had received a revelation that she was to be his eternal companion. If this is a true revelation, it will be confirmed directly to the woman if she seeks to know. In the meantime, she is under no obligation to heed it…The man can receive revelation to guide his own actions, but he cannot properly receive revelation to direct hers. She is outside his stewardship.”

Of the first thought, I can see with my parents. Yes, they love each other, but at the ages of 21 and 16, they were very young when they married and had many difficulties that they faced that were hard. They are still married and they cannot see life any other way.

Personally I have received variations of the second thought. It gives me comfort to know that I have the ability to go to Heavenly Father directly to find out for myself if the choices I make are correct.

My marriage with Antwoin is a wonderful gift to me. We work at always communicating about everything. So much so, that when we are not working, we are always together and cannot see our lives any other way. Yes, going out with the “guys” and “girls” is fine, but we are such a part of each other, that it is easy to blend together. We do have things that we do like individually, but we can even blend that. One example is that he likes to fish and I am not fond of it. He does not drive yet and all of the lakes and ponds are a driving distance away. I drive him and I bring a book or a movie and kick back and enjoy what I enjoy at the same time as he is fishing. I cheer him on when he catches fish and he talks when he feels the need. It is a wonderful symbiotic relationship!

Another is that sometimes food choices are different. I find that when we cook together, if one does not like something, we always make sure that they have an alternate choice. There are no arguments and there are no hurt feelings. With this in mind, our lives work out quite well. Ok, so we may not be true “Soul Mates”, but we sure feel like it!

Always see life with joy and love, it really makes a difference!

A computer dating program

Elder James E Faust stated: “Occasionally someone suggests it be appropriate to have a computer dating program set up under church auspices, or some kind of marriage search committee set up so that the Church could more directly be involved in marriage partner selection. My response to such suggestions is that the selection process for eternal companions is so sacred that no one can or should intrude into the making of these choices except the individuals themselves, who should assume and bear that responsibility with the divine guidance, parental counsel, and in some cases if necessary the help of a wise bishop.”

As many of you know, I love to help the creation of relationships move along with my friends. I am thrilled when they decide to become married. I am willing to create situations where people have opportunities to meet. I encourage stepping out of the normal activities and actually dating to see if many are able to spend time with each other in more than the dances or even the firesides that are available.  As one wise friend told me: Date for at least 1 year before you make a decision on your marriage. See him in all of his “Seasons”. How is he going to be when he is happy? Stressed? Angry? Frustrated? With his children? With his brothers and sisters? With his parents? What are the holidays like with him? What happens when you want to go out with “The Girls” and he is not invited to go with you? Or, even when you go out to an activity that he cannot go to-how is he going to react? How are you going to react in the same situations?

Elder Boyd K Packer stated: “If you desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial decision, you must live the standards of the Church, and you must pray constantly for the wisdom to recognize those qualities upon which a successful union may be based. You must do the choosing, rather than to seek for some one-and-only so-called soul mate, chosen for you by someone else and waiting for you. You are to do the choosing. You must be wise beyond your years and be humbly prayerful unless you choose amiss.”  I admit that I have been guilty of this myself. I missed many good opportunities because I felt that there was someone waiting for me to get my act together before he meet me. Yes, I have been married more than my “Fair Share”. But each time, I found that I have taken the time to make changes within myself and with each choice, there is much growth.

I find that many of my friends believe that the computer dating programs out there could be a good tool for them. I agree, it is a good place to start, but you need that face-to-face communication before you can really decide that your relationship is a good one. I personally married someone I met online. 1 year later, we were divorced because he did not tell me that he was only using me to get a green card to stay in the country and had left my home 3 days after he received it. I know of another who met a wonderful guy online and married him. She is quite happy. I am thrilled for her.

No matter if you use the dating service programs or not, they should be used as a tool and a beginning stepping stone there is much that you can learn from the other person if you get up and personal instead of using the computer between you.

I have much hope that these words that I share with you help in some way to make our lives better.

Brent A Barlow’s talk that was done at the BYU Campus

I am going to pull my thoughts from Brent A Barlow’s talk that was done at the BYU Campus during Education Week in 2006. If you would like to see it, I would recommend that you go to byutv.org and press “find a talk” then put in the title “choosing a marriage partner” and watch on the video.   Anything in parenthesis are comments that I am making.

God cannot steer a Parked Car! (We need to be going to the activities and making ourselves available to be able to meet our future friends and loved ones)

If you don’t date, you don’t mate. (This is a very true statement.)

Alma 60:21: Do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us? (We will never meet someone if we do not get out of the house and off of our “Throne”.)

If having a difficult time in a relationship, ask the Golden Question: If we were to be married someday, when would that be?

Dating is like going to the Zoo – you get to see the animals, but not in their natural habitat. (Which is why I truly encourage dating for up to a year before making any decisions)

Marry someone much like yourself. (This is so that you can actually agree on things as well as encourage each other. Try talking about gardening if your spouse is interested only in sports. It is an effort that would be defeated unless he is willing to open up his heart.)

Just because you love someone does not mean you should marry them. Love is not enough. (I should have had this advice with my first couple of choices…)

There is no such thing as the one and only. (If this was true and the one and only died, or chose someone else, where would that leave you?)

We expect too much from our spouse. (And this leads to too many divorces!)

There are ‘Weeds and Seeds’ in a marriage. We are to grow the seeds and pull the weeds. (Think of it, do you really think that the way you wash dishes or clean your room is perfect? I know that I am far from it! But be willing to make the effort to change)

Ezra Taft Benson stated “Don’t expect perfection in your choice of a mate”. (To be by their side, we would have to be perfect as well, I am not ready to be that good, so how can I expect my husband to be the same?)

There is a children’s book called Fanny’s Dream. It really helps to understand so much about ourselves. Lastly, there are 2 more thoughts that I pulled from this talk that were very good…

60% of marriages come from networking. (Yes, your co-worker, your family, your ward may know the perfect match for you.

And for those who have been on missions: Referrals-not Tracting!!!